Beards Gone Bad, Real, Real Bad

Bad beards of HollywoodCelebrities exist for a few reasons; people’s annoying obsession with pop culture, the lack of actual substance in the media and beard inspiration. Beards are taking over Hollywood and Beardilizer has no complaints. We do, however, have some constructive criticism for those bearded millionaires who are making all of us look bad. Having a beard, especially when you’re in the limelight, is an honor and a privilege. Having a full, lush lion’s mane of a beard is something that not all can accomplish. That does not mean that this gift from the Gods should be exercised; there are some beards that are bad, real, real bad.

For starters, whatever happened to Brad Pitt’s manly ass beard from way back in the day? Gone is the beard of a mountain man. Whatever happened to Brad we will never know but his current facial situation is somewhat concerning. A quick Google search yields results that only Beardilizer knew would come to pass. While this very article was being written, Pitt gave in and shaved off his beard. Mr. Pitt… Beardilizer remembers everything. Never forget, we are watching. We are concerned about your beard and where it went. If you decide that you need a little help growing that bushy mane take some of our supplements! While telling the future might be one of Beardilizer’s talents there is nothing we can do to help our fallen comrade, John Travolta.

Travolta’s beard is a travesty. It is not a beard, it is not exactly a goatee, but Beardilizer speculates that just like John’s hair, his not-beard/goatee could fly off of his face at any second. No judgment, okay, maybe a lot of judgment. Everybody wants to be an awesome, bad-ass beardo but at what cost? Beardilizer LOVES Battlefield Earth; bring back the authentic weirdo space goatee, Johnny boy! Using some beard wax on that out of this world situation would do nothing but help. At Beardilizer, we’re helpers. We like to help. We are also not liars.

Funny man Jim Carey has people on his staff who clearly is lying to him. His beard definitely belongs to him, that is for sure. It’s large, in charge and it’s out to get you. Unlike Beardilizer’s dream team Carey’s beard is undisciplined. It is not the beard you are looking for, that is for sure. Large, fluffy beards are great but this is just too much. Having a beard with that many fly-aways and that much volume means one thing; your beard is thirsty and not in the sexy way. Moisturizing your beard will help with problem areas and help you avoid looking like you just performed cunnilingus on a power source.

Keeping your beard fresh to death is easy; get a routine, use that beard wash, and get feedback from the beardos around you. You don’t want to end up like the beardos listed above. Beardilizer wants to help, not hurt.