There are a lot of beard haters out there. At Beardilizer we call those people losers or the management staff of the Florida Marlins. In early February of this year, the Marlins announced that they would be joining the ranks of baseball babies like the New York Yankees and the Cincinnati Reds. Remember when the great bearded Boston Red Sox wonderboy Johnny Damon sold his soul and shaved? We sure as hell do. Since baseball spring training is going on in Florida this month, Beardilizer is giving shout outs to the best beards in baseball (say that three times fast) that refuse to go anywhere and demand, not request, your attention.
Brian Wilson (not to be confused with the Beach Boy) has elegant whiskers of glory. Look at that beast! Not only does that giant mane have a life of its own but it has a reputation for absurdity. Wilson’s beard of glory has an origin story, something which most beards can’t boast. In 2008, the baby beard made an appearance, followed by a dramatic change in Wilson’s aesthetic. He dyed that beast black! Not only is this dude a World Series winning baseball player but he looks like he should be on tour with Mastodon. Brian Wilson, if you are reading this, go on tour with Mastodon. That beard just keeps getting better and better even if it lives in the hostile environment that is California. While Wilson plays ball in La-La-Land, another gnarly bearded bro hails from a climate that only hippies and fundamental Christians love; Denver, Colorado.
Colorado is a challenging state for beards. High elevation, no humidity, dry as a bone during the winter and as cold as Dante would describe hell. Imagine all of the wax that Jason Motte uses to make that glorious beastly beard of his look so damn good! Even though there are a few teams that ban facial hair of any sort, turn on any MLB game and look at all the dramatic, ass-kicking beards. The Oakland Athletics host Derek Norris and Sean Doolittle, whose glorious manes make up for the teams terrible name. Players like Brett Keisel, Jayson Werth, represent with their solid bristles! Even fans get on board with their base-beards. Washington Nationals fan Eric Brooks gets mad respect for his sick FREESTYLE beard fan-beard. Everyone, pay attention, please. The freestyle beard game got upp’d in 2014 and nobody knew unless they follow that guy on Instagram. All of you guys who participate in the freestyle competition section of any beard and moustache competition know that this category is no joke. Keeping that beard clean and oiled are two small parts of establishing the mere foundation of ‘beard as art’.
There are unlimited perks to being a beardo in addition to looking sexy as hell all the time; the sense of community that you have with your fellow bearded dudes, the competitions, good-natured ribbing, and then being a secret superhero. Getting dudes to talk about charity works is like pulling teeth, especially bearded dudes. We’re a modest bunch who will brag about our beards until the cows come home but prefer to let charitable work speak for itself. Beardilizer has always been proud of the charitable work that our clan participates in around the world. Every single one of the dudes listed above has the heart of a freakin’ lion (not that lion). In 2011, Brian Wilson donated “the biggest individual donation in the 65-year history” of the Air Force Associations scholarship fund. Jason Motte, while recovering from an injury, worked diligently with his beautiful wife Caitlin to organize The Jason Motte Foundation which focuses on pediatric cancer awareness. Fluff out your mane with confidence today. Baseball season is on us, manes of glory are out and about and beardos continue to be the quiet heroes of the world.