For as long as there have been humans, there have been bearded bad-asses. Having a beard makes you a tough guy, it is a scientific fact. History is full of men going out into the world and taking what they feel is rightfully theirs. We live in a ‘civilized’ era where even threatening to hit someone with a wet spaghetti noodle could result in hefty legal fees forcing burly beardos to seek out alternative means of expressing themselves. What better way to do so than through Mixed Martial Arts (or MMA, for the rest of the world).
MMA fighters with beards double down on tough, giving speculation to some that their beards can give them an unfair advantage. No, really, a bunch of cry-babies insisted that MMA fighters with beards should be disqualified since their beards reduced the impact of a bare fist/foot/elbow/face/chair. If a fist is travelling at the velocity of an un-laden African swallow … well, you get the point. Beards make you tough and some people seem to think that beards can evolve into an exoskeleton. If you’re using that much beard wax, you might need an intervention.
Beardilizer loves sporting competitions since they come in many different forms. There are a ton of fighters who could not only beat the crap out of us but their beards are no freaking joke. Due to the popularity of the sport, it’s not uncommon for an MMA fighter to become a household name (like the beardless Ronda Rousey) when a big fight is on the horizon.
If you’ve been following MMA news for the past few weeks then you know that mentioning Conor McGregor is a bit of a sore subject. The Irish brawler lost a major fight earlier this month however his beard looked outstanding during the whole event. Remember beardos, if you’re going to go down in a rear-naked choke, use some product since you’re on camera.
OG fighter Kimbo Slice is no stranger to always bringing his best beard game to fights. Since he “started fighting” (an inside joke for MMA fans since Slice has been participating in underground brawls for years) in 2008 he has yet to shy away from the literal growth of his beard and the metaphorical change in his career. You can tell that man knows what he’s doing when it comes to his mane; his entourage (Team Kimbo) is made up of talented folks from Reality Kings.
Since every beard competition includes the delightful moustache category it seems only fitting to bring up the delightful Don Frye. Don’t introduce your Mom to Don Frye; especially not if you know that she was obsessed with Tom Selleck back in the day. Look at the beast of a ‘stache!
If you’re stepping into the competition ring (literal or not) remember to get your shit together. Fluff out your beard like a lions mane or a dilophosaurus and go kill the competition. Even if you aren’t an MMA fighter or a Viking, not all competitions end in broken noses. It’s about talented competitors coming together to showcase the work that they have put into their passion (and possibly beat each other to bloody pulps). Even when there is an unexpected loss, it’s still important to go out, have fun, make some friends and put your best beard forward.