Beards are nothing new. Jesus had one; Vikings had one; you have one. They’re fantastic. Why do men have beards? Get a little history about beards and put some time into the heritage of your beard. Your beard came from great beard to great beard. Perhaps your grand-beard was a competitive beard. Maybe you have an “Uncle” beard who comes from a long line of fine beards. Take a second and look at the history of beards.
The original man had beards. They’re on walls in caves and everything. No beard wax but cave people did the best that they could with what they had. Part of beard growth means that there is a chemical difference between men and women. The biggest factor is testosterone (versus good beard oil). Men have beards b\c of testosterone; this is something incredibly basic. Manly men have thicker, fuller beards. Think about the lead singer of Les Savvy Fav. What a beard! Animals have beards, especially mammals that are closely related to us as humans. Have you seen a primate with a gnarly “beard”? Bet you have. Primates even have the same grey beard issues as human males.
Even if you have a greying beard, you’re still fine as hell. It’s not a secret that bearded men are way more attractive. A good beard makes you look sensational. Beards made men look more masculine, tougher, angry, but yet approachably sexy. It’s a very big deal with you are trying to survive in the wilderness and have to compete with your homies for your life AND for a lady. Not so different from modern dating, huh? Think about it this way. You will do vastly better in your long term hunt for a mate if you have a beard. In order for you to stay on top of your game it’s important for you to keep your beard in check.
While it’s no secret that beards were once considered trendy, beardos know that no matter what, beards are here to stay. The beard came and went but always stayed around as a means of expression. While most beardos aren’t running around marauding it’s still important to know the origins of your beard. When you can trace the lineage of your beard (and the people who helped you cultivate your beard) it adds to who you are as a person. Did someone get you into a beard club? They’re your bearded sibling! Thank about the family that you’re creating around yourself. The long history of the beard continues with you! Okay, you’re not single handedly keeping beards around but as long as you’re keeping it fresh to death then that is all that Beardilizer asks.
There is so much more to a man than just having a beard. The beard sure helps though. Keeping your beard looking sexy so that you can land that job or get yourself a lady is part of your job. You are out there representing the beardos of the world! Keeping your beard looking sexy means that you’re in charge of your destiny, versus the poor cave man that got stuck in a swamp and ended up as a fossil; his beard looks amazing!