There is no such thing as a hipster beard

hipster beardDespite all of the recent hype around beards, it’s clear that the “trend” is here to stay (or it was never a trend to begin with). Sales of razors are going down; business is good even after the end of winter. It’s hot outside but beardos are keeping their beards locked down. Nobody wants to see your naked face! Nobody! Okay, maybe some people but clearly the word is out that beards are here to stay. If you’re part of the Beardilizer family you know that it is no secret that having a beard puts you on a higher level of sex appeal.

It’s better to be a beardo; it’s science. Look at how many wives Dennis has! Two and one of them is a super-villainess! Not shaving means that you’re oozing sex appeal. You’re an urban lumberjack! Or an actual lumberjack! You can grow a beard and you can do so with great pride. No matter what you’re doing you’re not giving into that razor bs! Nobody is going to tell you when to shave or that your beard is trendy.

Spending money, even if it’s a dollar on razors is stupid. Not only do those wretched creations cut off your beautiful beard but they’re also filling up landfills. Razors are just a waste of money. You aren’t a lady who needs sexy, smooth legs! Throw out that razor. After all, think about what you can do with your beard when it’s full, bushy and magnificent. Don’t waste money on razors; save your money, save yourself the agony of that nonsense

Beards were never trendy. People just thought that they were and people are the worst. You’re always going to be in style even if you aren’t part of some hipster nonsense. Tell anyone who thinks otherwise to take their patchouli stink out of your life! Even if you just joined the beard club this year you can have a sense of pride in your beard. You started out with a baby beard and now look at you. The level of regal fluff shows that you’re more than some dumb hipster who drinks their coffee out of a mason jar while riding a fixed gear bike. You’re a man! You do things, like charity work! You’re awesome and no trend is going to change that.

Even if it is hot out it’s important for you to stay focused on who and what you are. It’s okay for you to want to be a little warm. Style that beautiful mane! Go to a beard club and bro out with your bearded homies! Stay bearded, avoid the razors, get ready for winter and keep it sexy. Buy yourself some stuff. Treat yourself to a new beard brush since the bushier the better. The idea that something timeless as a beard is trendy is laughable. Everyone at Beardilizer had a good chuckle when they heard that beards were trendy. We survived the glitter beard. We survived the baby beard. We survived the Brad Pitt beard. We can survive this hipster nonsense. Stay bearded and stay awesome!