Having a beard in Hollywood can mean a great many things. It might mean that you’re not ready to come out of the closet so you drag your best lady friend around town so people can take amazing pictures of her. As much fun as it is to talk about dating and romance we’re all about one thing: beards. As of late, everyone famous has been rocking a beard of some sort. Hollywood is all about looking better than the other guy and showing off that you’re constantly evolving. Beards as a sign of transition; look at the Colbeard, the Letterman retirement beard, John Hamm’s “Don Who? Look at this beard” beard, Tom Hardy’s ‘I’ll grow this beard, hold a puppy and steal your girlfriend’ beard, Jason Mantzoukas’s fabulous creepster beard and every other great beard in LA. There are SO many bearded dudes out there.
Beards say a lot about you. It’s not a subversive act to have a beard but rather a statement that you want people to know you’re down, you’re fine as hell, and you don’t give a rip about someone mistaking you for a Dothraki warrior. Yeah, we mean you Aquaman Momoa. Do you remember when Robin Williams’ beard won him an Oscar, for his portrayal of Oliver Sacks in Good Will Hunting? Oliver Sacks was an OG of the facial hair kind (see pic to the right of him squatting 600 lbs), so having his image memorialized properly only made some sappy movie about Matt Damon being bad with women even better. Ambitious men have beard that reflect the same. There is the resplendent Colbeard, Letterman’s retirement beard! Great men, like the two aforementioned comedy heroes, don’t age; their beards just evolve into silver manes of glory. There is no disputing the fact that a silver beard is a sexy beard.
Tom Hardy has had a thousand beards and all of them will pinch your lady. It’s wrong but we all know the allure of a solid beard. Use a little wax, take your dog for a walk and you have a million new friends who all of a sudden want to Netflix and chill. Or Amazon Prime and wine if you’re fancy. Even if you had to Google who Jason Mantzoukas was, you probably recognized him as the guy who plays creeps on every funny show worth watching. His crazy beard is obviously styled with care by hair and makeup people to maximize the Greek god like fury. You can easily replicate this look if you have the right tools. Even if you do not want a large, somewhat maniacal genius looking beard, there is nothing wrong with styling your beard to have enough swag that your cubemate Chad doesn’t speak to you for a week.
Having a beard, especially when trends change with the direction of the wind, means no matter what you’re masculine as hell. You know you look good and that you look even better with dat beard! The compliments on it speak for themselves, after all. There is a reason that anyone who has any beard clout understands just how important it is to not proselytize about the important of a badass beard. Let the beard speak for itself and rest assured that you, just like Tom Hardy, are now on the radar of everyone with beard seeking vision.